Over the next four weeks I will be looking at four improper responses to conflict: 1) Freeze , 2) Fire , 3) Fight , and 4) Flight .

In the first response, those at odds with each other attempt to “freeze each other out,” giving the “cold shoulder,” and ultimately withdrawing in the relationship. Everyone knows there is a dispute, but no one says anything about it. Instead, each person backs away and mutters under their breath. No matter how large the problem looms, it is never dealt with openly. People negotiate around it, avoid it, or hope that time will thaw things out, but the chill never leaves the air. In fact, with each new unresolved conflict, they add another layer of “ice.” Eventually they “freeze” themselves into total withdrawal from one another.

A story appeared in the 1930’s edition of The Chicago Herald Examiner about a husband who embraced this “freeze ’em out” style of behavior in a rather extreme way. The article was entitled, “Man Spites His Wife By Staying Blindfolded in Bed Seven Years.” Here’s an excerpt from the article:

“The strange story of Harry Havens of Indiana—who went to bed—and stayed there—for seven years with a blindfold over his eyes because he was peeved at his wife, [this strange story] was revealed here today when he decided to get out of bed. Havens was the kind of husband who liked to help around the house—hang pictures, do the dishes, and such. His wife scolded him for the way he was performing one of these tasks, and he resented it. He is reported to have said, ‘All right. If that’s the way you feel, I’m going to bed. I’m going to stay there the rest of my life. And I don’t want to see you or anyone else again.’ His last remark explains the blindfold. He got up recently, he explained, because the bed started to feel uncomfortable after seven years.”

Freezing people out of a relationship obviously does not resolve conflict, but only causes individuals to become cold, withdrawn, and emotionally hardened.