Last week I discussed the improper response to conflict of “freezing people out.” Today I want to talk about the second one—“Fire.”

This is where people deal with conflict like cowboys. They shout in the saloon, throw things, break windows, and fire their guns. When disagreements break out, people “draw their six-shooters” and start firing off “verbal bullets” at one another. Bullets ricochet around drawing more people into the fray. Feelings are vented, anger is released. Action and drama abound, and a lot of damage is done along the way because by swapping shots at each other, people get wounded deeply. Innocent bystanders join the escalating conflict, taking sides and further inflaming the problem.

The issues that drive people apart remain unsolved because instead of attacking the problem, people attack each other. They do not first consider the wide-ranging impact of their verbal barrage. Often the conflict—which may have been minor—becomes a full-blown relational disaster; deep emotional wounds are inflicted that may never fully heal.

Firing off at people obviously does not resolve conflict. Rather, it has the potential to wound people deeply and blow the conflict way out of proportion.